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22 June 2010 @ 05:10 pm
Stressed. Compressed. Oppressed.  
Stressed? Pretty much I guess.

Students' Council has pretty much left me in a state where I can't feel what's going on. With the pressure of last term's missing classes due to having a stubborn flu that went on for 6 weeks, I was pretty much exhausted, drained and emotional stressed due to the fact that I feel guilty for being ill and missing those classes.

Being lectured for missing classes by several lecturers and also by the college counsellor didn't actually help much. I felt worse. Even after having 3 weeks of rest during college break, 3 days before the next term started I fell ill again.

Right now I'm in the 3rd week of the second term and I'm pretty much feeling dead. Emotionally and physically drained. I have prom coming up. Sponsorships have been slow. I don't have enough prizes for lucky draw. Been worrying and working myself to the max everyday just figuring out who to ask for sponsors and to follow up with them.

Doesn't help the fact that a certain friend of mine who helped me with the prom poster (which I am forever grateful for) decided to ditch me during the most important time of the week when I needed an update for the poster and also the same week that the poster had to be printed to get the sales for prom tickets. That same person as well made a lot of stupid jokes when I was with people that to him seemed fun to annoy me but the fact that it was really disrespectful to me as a Students' Council President and also the perception of me by others had changed.

Thanks to that friend, the college technician has announced that he will not anymore printing in college for me because I said that "the college printer sucks" when it was a private conversation with me and another friend when I commented that the printer's color wasn't that good which was the truth. But that particular person whom I mentioned earlier announced loudly to the technician infront of everyone in the staff room that I said the printer sucked. Hence, I have become the ungrateful person and I am now unable to do any sort of printing for my assignments in college.

During meetings with hotel management for the prom and also during the time when I am talking to people who might be interested in sponsoring, he deliberated announced loudly that they shouldn't support my college because the college sucked. It has made me pretty much embarrassed to face anyone when asking for sponsorship.

The current stress level I think has went into over drive and currently I am emotionally numb. I am unable to feel any emotions. It is hard for me to cry even if I wanted to. I had to force myself to cry last night but yet, I felt nothing.

I went online looking for psychological help and got the respond of "This most likely is one of the causes of your problem,"Currently I'm organizing an event for college and one of my friend's decided to ditch his responsibilities and I had to answer a lot to the college management." The numbness you are experiencing is a frequent symptom of depression which comes from excessive stress.Reducing your work load,especially your extra-curricular responsibilities,should get you back to a normal de-stressed state which hopefully will cure your depression".

With that said, I can't really find time to relax. And I can't reduce my current workload and responsibilities.

I'm pretty much fucked up I guess.
Current Location: College
Current Music: B.O.B. - Airplanes (feat. Hayley Williams)
stridybariusstridybarius on June 24th, 2010 07:09 am (UTC)
You need a hug *hugs*. I wish I could give you a real hug but I'm too far away.

It's probably really superficial for me to say this but I mean it when I say that things will be ok. Just channel positivity.

The person you were refering to is immature. He should have known better but he didn't. I know he should be the one cleaning up the mess but now the mess is left with you....I'm sure you'll find your way through.

Gambatte mari-chan! *hugs*

take care of yourself.